Busy weekend. On Saturday I took two-thirds of the debate team (the other third was taking the SAT) to a tournament in New Kent County, and I must say we had some pleasantly unexpected success. We had eight guys, each double-entered, for a total of 16 entries. Of those entries, 14 were students who'd never competed in their assigned events before. One of the two "veterans" was a ninth-grader attending his second tournament ever; the other was the team captain, who'd done one of his events once before--in February of last year. Despite this extraordinary lack of experience, we earned six places in the finals and wound up taking home more hardware than we have in many months: three 2nd-place trophies, two 5ths and a 6th, good enough for third place overall. The younguns done me proud.

On the way home from New Kent, we pulled over near Richmond's airport and found what must be God's Own Arby's. In addition to the usual array of chicken sandwiches and Beef 'n' Cheddars, they had rotisserie chicken, a baked potato bar, a sundae bar, breads, cold wraps, and even a sides-only plate. As fast food goes, it was pretty astonishing. That one's going on the list for later exploitation.

I'm now in my twelfth year of coaching debate, and I've acquired a pretty good working knowledge of fast food establishments. Some are better for certain meals, some are consistent throughout the day, and some are not to patronized except in emergencies. My own eclectic list:

GOLD TIER:
*Bojangles--As long as you're not trying to dodge fat, this is the place. Cajun chicken biscuit, seasoned fries, and sweet tea, with cinnamon biscuits for dessert. My arteries have never hurt so good.

*Arby's--Even in the non-celestial version, the selection is excellent and you can dodge the fat bullet well. Curly fries are a nice option, though.

*Subway--Sometimes a man needs vegetables, and this is the best fast-food place to get them. The sweet onion teriyaki chicken breast is stellar, but even a simple turkey on fresh bread is a pleasure. It's not really that fast, however, especially when you have a whole debate team along with you.

SILVER TIER:
*Taco Bell--It's not Mexican food, it's fast food. As long as you remember that, you'll do fine. The seven-layer burrito is one of the best vegetarian options in the fast-food biz, and the gordita, god help me, is delectable.

*Hardee's--This gets bumped up a notch for breakfast, since it's the only fast food place besides Bojangles that does a chicken biscuit for breakfast.

*Wendy's--Quality chicken sandwiches, and sometimes I get a craving for Wendy's chili that simply can't be explained. The Frosty, though it's not dairy in the ordinary cow-based sense, is also a treat.

BRONZE TIER:
*Burger King--This one might be higher except that I've eaten there so much in the past eight years; it's our kids' favorite fast-food place, and it has little novelty for me. The chicken Whopper and chicken sandwich are decent, though swimming in mayonnaise. Good fries, middling breakfast.

PARTICIPATION PIN:
*McDonald's--The biggest and most mediocre. Sometimes a Big Mac is all you want. The fries are good, too. Breakfast is a particular weakness.

*KFC--Again, not really fast. Service tends to be slow, no matter where you go. Fatty as hell, but honey BBQ wings are miiiiighty tempting.

*Dairy Queen--I don't need that much Hank Ketcham in my life, thanks. And decent ice cream doesn't really make up for mediocre food.

I look forward to the day when we can stop and eat Thai on the way home from a tournament, but until then, I'll manage.

And yes, I've read Fast Food Nation. Why do you think I avoid Mickey D's?
3:13 PM

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