There are those who wonder if I actually teach, or if it's some kind of weird role-playing thing, like Snoopy pretending to be a fighter pilot. The fact is, I am a full-time teacher of English and speech, and have been since 1991. As such, I have occasional reason to offer instruction, and every once in a while I put that instruction in a form which may offer non-students something useful (or at least a cheap laugh or two, possibly at my students' expense, possibly at mine.) Here's a little something I sent out to my 11th-graders recently. Not all the points deal with grammar; some are simply my own preferences. With any luck, however, a student who learns these principles will annoy fewer educators down the road.

MR. CASHWELL'S PET PEEVES IN STUDENT WRITING:
A Guide for Students Seeking a Kindler, Gentler English Teacher

"Everyday"
Dave Matthews and Toyota are at fault here. If you do something daily, you do it every day—two words, an adverb. “Everyday” is an adjective meaning “ordinary.” Your everyday clothes are just ordinary clothes, but you wear clothing every day.
*OK: I go to the dining hall every day.
*Also OK: Going to the dining hall is an everyday experience for me.
*Not OK: I go to the dining hall everyday.

Direct Address
My friends, this is the truth: when you directly address someone, students, you must put commas on either side of that address. At the end or beginning of a sentence, one comma is enough to separate it from the rest of the sentence, dudes.
*OK: Dude, hand me those pliers.
*Also OK: Look, dude, I need those pliers.
*Not OK: Dude are you listening to me?

Who/That
When you start an adjective clause referring to people, use “who.” You are the people who should follow this guideline. “That” is grammatical, but a bit impersonal.
*OK: He’s a man who lives a life of danger.
*Not as OK: He’s a man that lives a life of danger.

Tense (One)
You may write in past tense or present tense, but be careful to pick ONE tense and stick with it. Combinations of the two are extremely distracting, and no spell-checker will catch the error.
*OK: George cooked his dinner. He shoveled down a plate of sausage.
*Also OK: George cooks his dinner. He shovels down a plate of sausage.
*Not OK: George cooked his dinner. He shovels down a plate of sausage.

"All Right"
The use of “alright” is possibly the most common error in English. This spelling may become acceptable someday, but it hasn’t yet. It’s two words.
*OK: I feel all right now.
*Not OK: I feel alright now.

"Y'all"
If you’re going to use it, spell it right. It’s short for “you all,” and the apostrophe replaces the missing letters. If you can’t use it correctly, use “you.”
*OK: I think y’all should try this.
*Not OK: I think ya’ll should try this.
*Also Not OK: I think you’ll should try this. (Spell-checkers will try to make you use this; ignore them.)

Punctuating Dialogue
Commas and periods always go inside quotation marks.
*OK: “I forgot my pencil,” said Phil.
*Also OK: Phil smacked his forehead. “I forgot my pencil.”
*Not OK: “I forgot my pencil”, said Phil.
*Also Not OK: Phil smacked his forehead. “I forgot my pencil”.

"Yeah"
Don’t forget the “h.” “Yea” is an obsolete form of yes, or else a cheer.
*OK: “Yeah, I’d like a pizza,” said Tim.
*Not OK: “Yea! I love pizza!” cried Tim.
*Also Not OK: “Yea, the Hebrews went forth for pizza,” the preacher read.

"Fellow Classmates"
This is redundant. If they’re mates, they’re already “fellow.”
*OK: My classmates understand me.
*Also OK: My fellow fifth formers understand me.
*Not OK: My fellow classmates understand me.

"Unique"
Like “dead” and “pregnant,” this is an absolute. It means “one of a kind,” and either something is one of a kind or it isn’t—it can’t be very one.
*OK: That’s a unique restaurant.
*Not OK: That’s one of the most unique restaurants I know.

"OK"
There are three possible ways to spell it. Use one of them and be consistent.
*OK: This is OK.
*OK: It is also O.K. to use periods.
*Also OK: It is even okay to spell the word out.
*Not OK: It’s not ok to make the word look like it’s pronounced “ock.”
8:36 PM

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