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May 2006 Archives


It's not too early to order Literary Cash : Writings Inspired by the Legendary Johnny Cash, arriving in January 2007 from BenBella Books. Featuring Cash-inspired stories by Russell Rowland (In Open Spaces), Gayle Brandeis (The Book of Dead Birds), and Gretchen Moran Laskas (The Midwife's Tale), plus PC's own "Field of Diamonds," it's sure to delight anyone with an appreciation for basic black.

VISITS WITH OLD FRIENDS DEPT.

...and no, I do NOT consider the stomach flu bug that visited us on Sunday a "friend," let alone an old one. But its arrival does somewhat explain the delay in my getting back to this journal.

Where to start? How about Friday night--actually Friday the 12th--when I was treated to the sight of Celia Schaefer appearing on NBC's Convictions. Celia and I have known each other since 1979, when we appeared in Chapel Hill High's production of Fiddler on the Roof together, and I was out-acted by her in that and about a dozen other productions over the next few years, including a memorable ArtsCenter production of Joe Orton's What the Butler Saw, which ended with five of the six cast members onstage in their underwear. (I had on a Speedo-sized pair of pale blue briefs, Celia a pink camisole, and no one in the audience would deny that she came out looking a hell of a lot better than I.) Celia's been working in NYC ever since she graduated from the NC School of the Arts, which has unfortunately meant that I haven't gotten to see her perform in about two decades--a horrible artistic waste. Luckily, she tore up the screen on Convictions, playing a woman whose husband faked his own death and disappeared five years before. She got a lot of "off the lines" work, as she called it--time to let her face and body do the acting, rather than her voice--which will, I hope, give some casting agent somewhere realize what she can do.

(And yes, others in my old CHHS crowd are making news on the small screen; Clark Gregg plays Julia Louis-Dreyfus's ex-husband in her new series, The New Adventures of Old Christine, and Peter Spruyt appeared in a recent episode of My Name Is Earl.)

More recently, Kelly & I got to go to D.C. to catch up with some of our pals from Readerville.com. These gatherings almost inevitably wind up being notable for three factors. First, the food is ridiculously good; perhaps it's the taste in restaurants, perhaps it's the culinary skills of the hosts, but we always eat like kings at these things. Is there a correlation between literary taste and the more literal kind? I must investigate someday...) This time we met at Cafe Atlantico and slurped up what the menu calls "Latin dim sum," small portions of food of various delectable sorts. I am a philistine where guacamole is concerned, but it was fun watching the waiters prepare it at our table using rough stone bowls and fresh ingredients. I much enjoyed the sopa del dia, an tasty almond-and-garlic blend served cold, though it came in a wine glass, which was a bit off-putting. I kept wanting to say "A heady aromatic nose with crunchy bits" or something every time I took a sip. The shrimp with vanilla oil and "lime air" was also a bit weird, as the "air" consisted of suds--yes, a small pile of bubbles in a whitish liquid that looked not unlike the sea foam you might find a dead shrimp resting in somewhere on teh beach. Tasty as all get out, but puzzling. The one item on the menu no one ordered: "Conch fritters with a liquid heart." Sounded too much like that "cum-gum" that was so popular in junior high, and that's not something I ever want to associate with seafood.

Second, the conversation is delightful. This was the first time Kelly and I had both been able to meet Rville's proprietor, the lovely and talented Ms. Karen Templer, though we'd met her on separate occasions; now at least she knows we're really married and not just photoshopped together in group pictures. Karen's sister Karla was also along, giving me the chance to see her for the first time since she and her husband put me up in Cali back in '03. Sarah R and husband Arthur came down from Baltimore, Christina P from Ohio, Caryn from Minneapolis (!), and brand-new Rvillean Jason Roberts (author of A Sense of the World: How a Blind Man Became History's Greatest Traveler) arrived as well. I was perhaps happiest to see David Abrams, however, since he is not only a writer of great skill, but one who has spent much of the last two years in Iraq, where he was stationed in his role as an Army P.R. official. I got to read occasional reports of how things were going there, but you can do so yourself by clicking right here to see some of David's writing from the Emerging Writers Network. I'm glad he's back safe--and selfishly, I'm hoping to see more of his take on the Iraq experience.

Anyway, with a group of people this interesting, the conversation bounced around from the celebrity sightings at BookExpo America (Jim Belushi! Dr. Ruth!) to Sarah & Arthur's daughter and her college plans to Jason's cover (the same painting was used for John Crowley's Lord Byron's Novel, it turns out). A few Advance Review Copies were passed around--the upcoming Bill Bryson memoir, for example--and everyone oohed and aahed over them.

Third, as with every Readerville gathering, the damn thing was too short. People had appointments, meetings with other friends in the D.C. area, etc., so we scattered after a bare two hours. My own appointment was a command performance: I had gotten a pass to the BookExpo America floor, where I was told my presence was required by Paul Dry--yes, the one who published The Verb 'To Bird'.

Christina, Caryn, Kelly and I walked the few blocks to the new D.C Convention Center, which was awash in people carrying tote bags full of swag: every shoulder had a canvas container full of ARCs, or so it seemed. Inside, Kelly and I said goodbye to C&C and made our way to the floor, but at that point the security detail got tighter, and the pass-less Kelly was forced to wait in the causeway. (Luckily, she had a book--my copy of Amanda Davis's Wonder When You'll Miss Me, which I take to all Rville gatherings; Amanda I knew each other through Readerville and I was looking forward to meeting her and getting her to sign the book. Her plane crashed a few days before we were to meet. Since I couldn't get her to sign it, I've tried to have all my other Rville friends sign it as a sort of memorial.)

Anyway, I went inside, made my way through the labyrinth of stalls and shelves, dodging the occasional costumed character--a startling number of people seem to show up for BEA wearing big foam feet and giant foam heads--until I reached the Paul Dry booth, where both Paul and my eagle-eyed editor, John Corenswet, were hanging out. We visited for a bit, but before long I was feeling guilty for leaving Kelly, so I begged their pardon and trotted back across the enormous display space and up the escalator to the causeway.

Kelly was happily reading, and moreover had been given a pass of her own by a friendly conventioneer who shall remain here anonymous. I persuaded her to come say hi to Paul and maybe look at a knitting book or two; also, I wanted to show her that the giant foam-head people were real and not just something I'd made up. We were briefly distracted by the DC Comics booth, where an hour-long line of people had formed for purposes of meeting Brad Meltzer, writer of the excellent Identity Crisis mini-series, but we soon made our way to the PDB booth.

Paul, surprised, was nonetheless alert enough to cry out, "Peter! You're back! Ida was just here!"

I haven't known many Idas, but one of them was my brother's girlfriend in high school--and sure enough, to my complete astonishment, there she was. I hadn't seen her in twenty-odd years, but it was her. She's worked for the Nature Conservancy but is now working for a publishing company in North Carolina, and has co-authored North Carolina Afield: A Guide to Nature Conservancy Projects in North Carolina . Kelly had never met Ida, knowing of her only because of family stories, and was probably as delighted as I, though perhaps not quite so astonished. We chatted about David's recent activities, Ida's job, and a few other matters before saying goodbye, but my overall feeling was that my mother's old saying has been proven right again: "There are only 400 people in the world--the rest are just extras."

But man, those extras work hard! After all, without Readerville, we'd not have been in D.C. Without the pass I'd gotten, I'd never have gone to see Paul, and had Kelly not gotten a SEPARATE pass at a LATER time, we'd have been too early to run across Ida.

And thinking back, I recall that David and Ida once shared the stage the same way Celia and I did--they were the leads in Over Your Dead Body in 1983, the year after Celia graduated. Both were fully clad.

Y'know, in a universe with this much synchronicity, saying "Keep in touch!" seems almost unnecessary.

7:57 PM
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Order in advance to get your copy of Literary Cash : Writings Inspired by the Legendary Johnny Cash, coming this January from BenBella Books. Enjoy Cash-inspired stories by Russell Rowland (In Open Spaces), Gayle Brandeis (The Book of Dead Birds), and Gretchen Moran Laskas (The Midwife's Tale), plus PC's own "Field of Diamonds."

LBJs

*I'm thinking about giving the Internet a bit of a hiatus. Oh, I'll still post here, and I'll keep up with email, and I'll certainly log on to keep my fantasy baseball team going, but I'm starting to feel my concentration is being severely scattered by the constant barrage of information. It's certainly not helping my blood pressure to see everything Bush is doing to make me angrier and angrier--like, say, keeping tabs on who I'm phoning--but as I surf from site to site, I see essentially the same information and the same arguments breaking out all over, and there seems little point in repeatedly reading and rebutting the same infuriating points. I've got a vacation coming up; maybe I should take it away from the web.

*I'm sponsoring three books for Woodberry's summer reading program this year: David Quammen's superb The Song of the Dodo, Alan Moore & David Lloyd's classic graphic novel Watchmen, and (naturally) Will Blythe's To Hate Like This Is to Be Happy Forever. Of the three, Blythe's was definitely the most popular among the students, partly because we have a large number of Carolina fans at this school, and no doubt partly because the summer reading committee set a 350-page limit on each book; anything longer counts as TWO books toward the student's three-book reading commitment, and To Hate Like This... clocks in at 354 pages. Watchmen is over 400 pages, but I lobbied for it to count as only one book, since its pages take less time to read than a typical page of text; it also drew quite a few students. The Song of the Dodo (at over 600 pages) got only one taker, plus another faculty member who's fascinated by questions of evolution, so the three of us will have an intense discussion. I'm looking forward to the re-reading, too--I've just finished Watchmen for the umpteenth time since I read it as a serial in 1986, and it's still one of the most beautifully crafted stories I know. Oh, sure, it has flaws--the whole psychic clone thing is pretty sketchy, and I still think Gibbons draws everyone's head too small--but there are too many lovely details to quibble overmuch.

*We got the first disc of Battlestar Galactica: Season Two through Netflix yesterday, and all four of us watched all four episodes in a rush. Dang, they're not messing around, are they? Brash and intelligent SF on television--who'd a thunk it?

*Wood thrushes still abound in the WFS area, as do great crested flycatchers, but I still haven't set eyes on a flicker this year.

*BookExpo America is rapidly approaching, and Kel and I are eagerly awaiting the chance to touch base with some of our Readerville friends in D.C. next weekend. If nothing else, it'll be the first time some of them have ever seen us together, since Kelly attended BEA in Chicago and I went to the L.A. version in '03. If we have even half the fun we had on those occasions, it'll be worth the Metro ride.

*Thing Two went shopping with us the other day and selected a true classic: a slate-grey t-shirt featuring the words "PINK FLOYD" emblazoned on a big pink pig. The torch is passed to another generation!

*Let me note a very cool new book: Pete Dunne's Essential Field Guide Companion by (unsurprisingly) Pete Dunne

It's not illustrated--that's what your field guide is for--but it provides a wealth of detail about the general impression (a/k/a the "giss") of each bird it describes. Dunne is an elegant and witty writer, and both those traits come out in his descriptions of birds such as the Cedar Waxwing ("The Crested Sigh") and his comments about birds' companion species (for the Ivory-Billed Woodpecker, he lists Wood Ducks, Pintails, and Lazarus.) If you know the basic field marks of a species but are unsure how best to identify a bird in the wild, this is an extremely helpful supplement.

Leave it in the car, though--it's too big for your pocket at 736 pages.

Pete is a wonderful guy--I was fortunate enough to meet him at the Cape May Weekend a few Mays ago--and even if he wasn't an expert birder, I'd recommend his work. But seeing as how he's arguably the premiere birder in the country today, I don't think you have to worry too much about my playing favorites. Give it a look.

*Call your mom! And don't wait till Sunday night to do it!

3:56 PM
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Get your order in early for Literary Cash : Writings Inspired by the Legendary Johnny Cash, available in January from BenBella Books. Enjoy Cash-inspired stories by Russell Rowland (In Open Spaces), Gayle Brandeis (The Book of Dead Birds), and Gretchen Moran Laskas (The Midwife's Tale), plus PC's own "Field of Diamonds."

We're having lots and lots of fun at Demi Moore's expense.

The "we" to whom I refer is my Honors English 500 class, ten of Woodberry's best and brightest, who've been assigned to make vicious fun of Ms. Moore's 1995 opus, The Scarlet Letter. The film as a whole is eminently worthy of ridicule. If you haven't seen it--and I don't recommend doing so unless you fully intend to ridicule it--let's just go over a couple of the more laughable moments:

1) The opening credits, in which an Indian runs through some un-New Englandish-but-remarkably-Last of the Mohicans-ish woods carrying a torch, which he then hurls off a cliff to another Indian, who catches it in midair. Just what Hawthorne imagined.

2) The credit that runs over the aforementioned sequence, reading "Freely Adapted" from the novel by Nathaniel Hawthorne. They don't give Oscars for understatement, but if they did, this would have been the 1995 winner.

3) The fact that the first 80-odd minutes of the movie aren't even in the book; instead, we see Hester's arrival, her purchase of a cottage, her bidding on a slave and a couple of indentured servants, her meeting with tippling neighbor Harriet Hibbons, her glimpse of Dimmesdale's naked butt (see below), her husband's capture by Algonquins, her roll in the hay with Dimmesdale, her trial, her imprisonment, and her interminable natural childbirth sequence in the cell.

4) The scarlet bird that flies up to Hester's fence to lure her into the forest, where she gets a look at the skinny-dipping Dimmesdale. There weren't any scarlet bird in New England at the time--the cardinal didn't make it to New England until the 20th century--and this one is, I would bet my Peterson guide, a dyed canary.

5) The bathing sequences. Not only does Hester stand in the tub to show off her gym-toned bod from toes to tush to surgically-enhanced bazooms, her mute slave girl Mituba (!) does likewise later, in the presence of the same dyed canary from #4. Even granted that Mituba's bath is more PG-rated, the word "gratuitous" doesn't do this stuff justice, folks.

6) The introduction of sub-plots involving not only witch trials, but Indian attacks. (It's like looking at the fossil record of the Hollywood Script Shales or something. Examining strata from 1992 we discover The Last of the Mohicans; many of its Indian-attack features can still be seen in the 1995 strata from which this film was found, and the primitive witch-trial foreshadows the more developed version from The Crucible in 1996.)

7) The Puritans all dress like Cavaliers. Dimmesdale not only has more buttons on his jacket than a Sears Tower elevator, he strides around in a pair of fold-over boots that look like D'Artagnan's from the Richard Lester Three Musketeers. Hester's frock is filled out with the aforementioned bazooms, but it's likely that there were babes in Puritan Massachusetts, too; still, I have to wonder how many of them had pierced ears, dangly earrings, and curling irons. And did Puritans wear wedding rings? These do.

8) The witch trial puts Hester and seemingly half of Boston's women on the scaffold with their necks in jeopardy. Luckily, there's an Indian attack at just that moment. Wagons burn, Algonquins whoop, and one Puritan buys the farm in a fountain of arterial blood that looks like something out of the Black Knight sequence in Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

9) Robert Duvall's Chillingworth is apparently from some other movie entirely, like perhaps a Cromwell-era production of The Silence of the Lambs. Granted, he's a vengeful loon, but the camera lingers far too lovingly on his preparations to dress as an Algonquin and gut Dimmesdale. He even shaves his belly with a straight razor, a touch of verisimilitude that might seem excessive, given that he's awaiting his target in a pitch-black forest where he can't even tell that he's slaughtering the wrong man.

10) And did I mention the happy ending?

Just grotesque. If you've never read the book, maybe it holds together better, but as an adaptation of Hawthorne, it's just ridiculous.

So that's what we're giving it: ridicule. The class has been divided into teams of two, each with a DVD scene for which to write jokes, in order to assemble a full-on talk-through-the-movie mockery a la Mystery Science Theater 3000. If nothing else, they're having fun, but I think they're also honing their critical skills. With any luck, the next time someone attempts something like this with Huckleberry Finn or The Great Gatsby, our young people will be ready, armed with withering glances and barbed comments, defending American literature from those who would cheapen it. If some producer gets it into his head to cast Ruben Stoddard as Jim, or Paris Hilton as Daisy Buchanan, we cannot stand idly by!

3:04 PM
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