Parenting in the New Millennium

I meant to tell this story a week or two back, but things got busy.

One scene in I Hate Hamlet involves an exhausted Barrymore waking up on the sofa in front of the television, having left a pile of debris around him--mostly champagne bottles and bags of junk food.  Because the script has champagne bottles being liberally opened and shared around, and because we are not legally empowered to give real champagne (or any other sparkling wine) to our students, I had to run out to Food Lion the weekend before the show and buy out their entire supply of sparkling apple cider (and a few bottles of sparkling Welch's grape juice for practice--the "Welch's" label is too visible on the bottles for them to work as faux champagne in front of an audience.)

In any case, I grabbed about a dozen bottles and four bags of Doritos and potato chips.  On the way back from the store, however, I realized that there was a kink in my plans: the champagne bottles would be opened and emptied on stage every night during dress rehearsals, so it was just a matter of keeping all the dead soldiers around and setting them around Barrymore during the blackout before the scene.  The chips bags, however, are never seen full on stage.  Before I could set them around his inert figure, they needed to be emptied.

Luckily, I have just the personnel for that sort of task.  At home.

I walked into our living room, where Ian and Dixon were busily slaughtering duckies and bunnies (our house euphemism for playing video games that involve mayhem) with their friend Taylor, and I handed the surprised boys the bags of chips.

"I need these emptied before tonight's rehearsal," I explained.

Ian grabbed the bag of Cool Ranch Doritos.  "You're the best dad ever."

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This page contains a single entry by Peter Cashwell published on February 8, 2008 5:56 AM.

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