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November 2008 Archives

Fantasy Update


I know, nobody cares.

But dammit, if a man can't complain in his blog, where CAN he complain?

After swearing I'd cut back to two fantasy football leagues this fall, I got suckered into joining a third at my workplace, which has served to further distract me, and that distraction is apparent in my performance.  Here's how things shake out:

The Fantasy League of Gentlemen/Gentlewomen - My first league, formed with a bunch of my old CHHS buddies back in 2001, is really almost as much of a role-playing game or piece of performance art than a fantasy league, but it's a continuing source of entertainment.  This year I've been serving as interim commissioner as well as owner, which has required me to spend a bit more time dealing with the nuts and bolts of the thing than with my usual flights of fancy, but I've still managed to do at least a couple of smart things with my team, the Fighting Coelacanths.  Smart Things no.s 1 and 2 came in the first rounds of the draft, when I picked up Clinton Portis (drafting 9th) and Tony Romo.  Unfortunately, my next smart thing didn't happen until round 8, when I picked up Jay Cutler, and that was after doing several not-so-smart things, the worst of which was tapping Torry Holt in round 3.  With a few judicious moves on the waiver wire (acquiring Kevin Walter and the Titans defense), I've at least kept my squad mediocre, and Cutler's performance enabled me to package Romo in a deal for an elite tight end (Jason Witten).  Thus, the Canths are in the playoffs, but they're 5-7, and they'll face a ten-win team team in the first round.  I've never yet won a FLOGG title, and this year it looks as though I'll continue that streak.

Number Crushers
- Each team has twenty-five players, including individual defenders, and must start twenty of them: 2 QB, 3 RB, 3 WR, 1 TE, 2 RB/WR flex, 1 TE/WR flex, 2 PK, 2 DL, 2 DB, and two flex defenders.  Scores are typically in the 300s, since EVERY statistic counts--yards gained, passes caught, tackles made, fumbles lost, passes tipped, punts returned, etc.  In most years I've wisely picked up an elite QB in the early rounds, but this year I picked 9th, and the best ones were already gone, so I chose to go with an elite WR instead: Randy Moss.  For the fourteen seconds before Tom Brady destroyed his knee, Moss looked like a good pick, but after that, he was just another receiver.  Worse, my 2nd and 3rd-round picks, Joseph Addai and Steven Jackson, have been huge disappointments all season, and other draft picks including Steve Smith and Matt Schaub have missed significant chunks of time due to injury and/or suspension.  Only 4th-round pick Brett Favre has done anything close to what I'd hoped, which is one reason why the Scrub Jays squad is currently 3-9 and languishing in 9th place, having been eliminated from the playoffs last week.  This is especially disappointing given that I've been VERY successful in the NC league recently, winning the title in 2005 and losing the title game in 2006 and 2007.  On the plus side, I get a good draft position for 2009--and you'd better believe I'm grabbing a good QB first thing.

Woodberry Forest - A simple, traditional league thrown together at my workplace because several of my co-workers (including at least one of our football coaches) admitted they'd never played fantasy before.  With only eight teams, we've all got great personnel--well, most of us do--and the games have generally been close, which is why my Green Hornets are 6-6.  They're in fourth place, shooting for the final playoff spot, and with games against the fifth-place team this week and the last-place team next week, it's a shot they can make.  Helped by stellar QB play from Peyton Manning and Kurt Warner, plus strong defense from the Titans and solid RB work from Adrian Peterson, Maurice Jones-Drew, and Steve Slaton, they've got a good chance of finishing the season well.  Here's hoping.

Next week: an update on the interesting things I've discovered in my Kleenex after sneezing.  Be here!


8:57 AM
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A Pair of Brown Eyes


On my classroom wall is a world map, and it's one that has occasioned commentary from a number of viewers because, as they put it, "It looks wrong."  It's this--the Peters Projection World Map:

Peters projection World map.jpg














And of course, it IS wrong, because it's a two-dimensional map of a three-dimensional object: the globe.  You can't turn a curved map into a flat map without distorting something--either the shape of the continents or the size of them.  The most familiar map projection, the Mercator projection, distorts their relative sizes in order to preserve their shapes, which is why the island of Greenland looks far larger than the continent of Australia.  Anything close to the poles looks bigger than it really is, while anything close to the equator looks smaller. 

Unfortunately, the practical reason for the Mercator projection--preserving the shapes of the landmasses it delineates--is accompanied by unintended consequences: making certain places on the globe look bigger and more important, while others appear smaller and less significant.  And since the bigger places include northern Europe and North America, while the smaller places include Africa, India, and Latin America, you can sort of understand why a person of African, Asian, or Hispanic origin might view using the Mercator projection as a political decision, not just a cartographic one.

That's one reason I use the Peters projection, which preserves size at the expense of shape.  Anything near the poles is flattened out horizontally, while anything near the equator is stretched vertically, but you can tell at a glance that Australia is a continent and Greenland is only a big island, and that Europe is a tiny place in comparison to the massive expanse of Africa.  The Peters projection forces the viewer to remember that a map is not the territory it shows.  A map is only a human tool for understanding reality, not the reality itself.  The tools we choose to use, however, do have an effect on our understanding; you've all heard about the viewpoint of a carpenter whose only tool is a hammer.

And speaking of hammers, one of them is famously wielded by a guy from northern Europe, the Norse thunder god Thor.  In his comic-book incarnation, the Mighty Thor is a member of the Avengers, Marvel's super-team supreme, alongside Iron Man, Captain America, and dozens of others.  Their compatriots over at DC Comics are of course the Justice League of America, which includes Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, and other heroes, and about five years ago, the two rival publishers decided to let the two teams do what fanboys have been praying for since they were tiny little fantoddlers: beat the crap out of each other.

Well, it wasn't quite that blatant.  But the issue of whether Superman could beat up Thor has been a long-standing and insoluble argument in fandom for decades, the four-color equivalent of "Did Adam have a navel?" So long as they appeared in books from different companies, there was no way to settle it, but in 2003, two grown-up fanboys were finally given the task of creating a comic in which the two could meet, along with all their teammates, and see who was stronger than whom.  Writer Kurt Busiek (best known as the creator of Marvels and the PoMo superhero title Astro City) and artist George Perez (the affable fan-favorite penciller of everything from Teen Titans to Wonder Woman to The Avengers) were given this plum assignment, and Busiek cemented his fanboy cred by borrowing the plot of the legendary Steve Englehart Avengers/Defenders crossover from the mid-70s, but that's not important right now.

What's important is what I noticed when looking at the cover of the first issue this morning:

JLA Avengers Cover.jpg

(If you don't know all the characters here, let me help: in the back row is Thor, with Iron Man to his right.  In the middle row is Superman, with Batman to his right and the winsome Wasp hovering between them.  In front of them is Wonder Woman, with Captain America standing at the bottom right and the Atom standing on Cap's shoulder.

The cover wraps around to the back, though you can't see it here, and features JLA members Plastic Man, Green Lantern, the Flash, Aquaman, and the Martian Manhunter, as well as veteran Avengers the Scarlet Witch, the Vision, Yellowjacket, Quicksilver, She-Hulk, and Hawkeye, plus a few also-rans like Warbird and Jack of Hearts.)















What I noticed is that the above cover is in its way a tights-clad version of the Mercator projection.

You may not be able to see it in the above scan, and you certainly can't see it on the back cover unless you buy it, but there's something statistically startling about the assemblage of heroes: of the twenty-two people on the cover, exactly ONE has brown eyes.  He's also the only African-American.  He's the lesser-known Marvel hero Triathlon, who was on the team for a few years, but who's unlikely to appear in the upcoming Avengers movie.

But seriously, think about this:  in both the Marvel and DC universes, the greatest heroes are all blue-eyed.  With most of them it's obvious: Superman, Wonder Woman, the Flash and Aquaman all keep their baby-blues visible to the world, as do Thor, Captain America, Hawkeye, and Quicksilver.  Batman's eyes are usually shown as white slits, but under that cowl, Bruce Wayne is blue-eyed.  Same with the eyes inside Tony Stark's Iron Man helmet.  A few heroes manage to have green eyes--unsurprisingly, Green Lantern and She-Hulk do--and the Scarlet Witch is shown with green eyes on Perez's cover, though her wiki article at Marvel.com lists her eye color as blue.  The only heroes without light eyes on this cover are inhuman--the red-eyed Martian Manhunter and the android Vision, whose eyes are red but usually shown as black--or dark-skinned.

And it's not just the Avengers and the JLA, either.  The Fantastic Four features a pair of blue-eyed blonde siblings and Ben Grimm, a/k/a "the ever-lovin' blue-eyed Thing."  The Teen Titans are crawling with blue-eyed (Kid Flash, Robin/Nightwing, Wonder Girl, Raven) or green-eyed (Beast Boy/Changeling, Starfire) members.  Daredevil, Elektra, and the Black Widow are all blue-eyed. The X-Men have mutants with eyes of various weird shades (glowing red for Cyclops, glowing yellow for Nightcrawler, frequently white for Colossus and Storm), but the ones with human eyes (Professor X, Wolverine, Marvel Girl, Angel, Beast, ) almost invariably have blue or green ones.

I know exactly why this is the case, of course.  Comics were for years printed with what's known as the four-color model, using ink of the colors cyan, magenta, yellow, and key (or blue, red, yellow, and black, for the layman.)  Each area on the page was printed using combinations of those four colors in various intensities.  To get brown, the colorist had to apply three separate color screens of red, blue, and yellow ink, while blue required only one.  Unsurprisingly, most artists found it easier (and neater) for early comics characters to have blue eyes, and not infrequently blue hair as well (since the highlights of their black hair were usually shown in the same bright blue).  Green was a second choice for eyes, and yellow for hair, but in both cases, brown was frequently seen as more trouble than it was worth. It took more ink, it required more precision (to get all three screens precisely in the irises and/or hairdo), and when all the heroes where WASPs, it didn't seem important.

Well.  Times change.  DC's characters have older pedigrees than Marvel's, generally speaking, so the number of blue-eyed DC heroes isn't surprising.  Since 1961, however, Marvel has introduced a number of successful characters, but only a relative few have brown eyes, including Reed Richards and most of Marvel's various non-white heroes such as the Black Panther, Luke Cage, and Shang-Chi.  (Spider-Man has hazel eyes, though they're usually colored as brown, and appear white under his mask.)

But still, we're left with unintended consequences: the overwhelming image of super-heroism can easily be seen as the province of white people, and not merely white people, but downright Aryan people.  When ordinary folks are in danger, a phalanx of pale-skinned blue-eyed powerhouses will appear out of nowhere to save them.

Speaking as a brown-eyed handsome man myself, I can certainly say that I'm not, y'know, intimidated by the preponderance of blue-eyed heroes, but I have to wonder what kind of unconscious message people pick up on when they spend decades reading comics.  Do they tend to assume, as users of the Mercator projection can easily do, that the representation of heroism that they're used to is some kind of statement about real heroism?  Maybe, maybe not. And I don't think the comics publishers, any more than Mercator himself, are engaging in some kind of Aryan conspiracy to lower the self-esteem of dark-eyed people from southern climes.

But what a horrible thing it would be for a kid to see a brown-eyed man or woman stand up to protect the innocent, or to strike fear in the hearts of evil-doers, and think "That looks wrong."


11:36 AM
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Thingy of Whatsit...


I saw the new Bond the other day.  Not the worst thing ever committed to film, but a definite come-down from the tense and fascinating Casino Royale.

Also, they made a terrible mistake by not using this as the theme song.


11:30 AM
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Yes We Can


I am in a really good mood.  The country voted for Obama.  Virginia voted for Obama.  North Carolina voted for Obama.

But I think this anonymously posted series of pictures may sum up my mood better than anything else I've seen:

Obama Sign Handoff.jpg



1:52 PM
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Voting


This afternoon I volunteered to drive some of our students to our tiny polling place, which is a Methodist church located near... um... not near a doggone thing, honestly.  There's another church--Baptist, I think--and some farmhouses within sight, but otherwise it's just central Virginia farmland.

But out front there was a table with three Obama volunteers, one of them an attorney. He said he was one of the 4000 attorneys who'd volunteered to man Virginia's 2500 polling places in case any voters had trouble getting their ballots cast.  That kind of feet-on-the-ground action is one of the big reasons this campaign has gone so well, and it gives me hope that the next four years can be operated with the same kind of planning and attention to detail.

The best part of the trip: the three students in my car were from New Jersey and California, meaning their votes here in the Virginia battleground will be far more meaningful than in their solid-blue home states.  And one of them was turning eighteen today, inaugurating his franchise in a big way.  I'm stupidly proud of my minor role in getting even one Obama voter to the polling place, but I suppose that's the point: I AM proud of it.  I'm proud of the poll workers, and those volunteers, and those attorneys, and every person in America who's getting up and going to the polls to help get this country back on the rails and moving forward.  I don't look forward to everything that's going to happen in the next few years, but I'm overjoyed to be supporting a candidate who not only believes that we CAN do something about our problems, but actually lays out the groundwork on getting it done.

For most of my life, government has been the problem; today, somewhere on a winding country road under a grey sky and blowing autumn leaves, I started to remember that government can be part of the solution.  If we want it to be.


1:26 PM
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